Error 3331: ACTOR malfunction
by Shiori-tan
Summary: CURRENTLY BEING COMPLETELY REWRITTEN. DO NOT READ.
1. H0P1: Standardised Beginnings

**Hypothesis 0: Resolution**

**Part 1: Standardised Beginnings**

**...**

_**Living is simple**_

_**While not living is much more difficult**_

_**Look, even if I don't cherish it**_

_**My life is already too much for me to handle**_

* * *

Too late.

Was it too late?

It was too late.

He couldn't do anything.

He couldn't see.

He couldn't hear.

He couldn't think.

Could he breathe?

He couldn't breathe.

That person.

He didn't succeed in the end.

Because that person...

_If...I could restart again..._

_Another world...another life..._

_Would he still be next to me?_

* * *

If you stood outside the Concilio, right in the center of the parade square, and if you concentrated hard, you would be able to hear a shrill sound going off in almost all directions.

That would be the standardised school bell, ringing at the standardised time, across every standardised school in the country.

It rang at exactly 2 PM sharp, Monday to Friday, every week without fail. There were no public holidays -they were unheard of. Everyone deserved a fair share of food, and everyone deserved to work their fair share to get it. Taking breaks could not be afforded, not if the country strived to prosper and grow. Work hard, they said. Work hard for the next generation to enjoy this equality you all enjoy.

It was 2 PM. Every student across the whole nation was packing up their things, happily chatting with classmates as they got ready to go home. And there sat Sawada Tsunayoshi, blatantly ignoring the shrill sound of the bell and staring out the window, head resting on one hand. It looked almost peaceful, really, and very out-of-character. One who knew him would say that Tsunayoshi was normally not so contemplative, so serene, so...

Asleep?

Dame-Tsuna had fallen asleep. And he was drooling all over his desk, for the matter. Some students who had happened to glance in his direction snickered and nudged their friends, and this started a domino effect that had everyone holding back their giggles and teasing poor, sleeping dame-Tsuna. Who, unfortunately, had just started to snore at that exact same moment, causing the whole class to lose it and burst into raucous peals of laughter.

He woke up with a jolt, jumping up and leaping almost a foot into the air. This, of course, sent the whole class into another fit of laughter, and by the time that ended Tsuna's face was already a deep cherry red, blushing like there was no tomorrow.

"Pfft..dame-Tsuna really doesn't change, huh?"

"Dame is dame after all."

"He's a great source of entertainment, though."

"Aww, c'mon guys, don't be so mean."

"What're you talking 'bout, Kyoko-chan? Everyone knows that guy's useless. Is he even gonna bother sitting for the Leaving Examination next week? We all know he's gonna fail epically and become a cashier or cleaner or something."

"Ah, well..."

Tsuna couldn't even feel downcast as Kyoko stumbled, obviously unable to provide an intelligent retort to that. Because really, even _he_ had to agree with all that they said. When all was said and done, dame-Tsuna was dame-Tsuna; he had done nothing in his miserable fourteen years of life to disprove that, and had just furthered it with his boundless uselessness.

With a sigh of resignation, he stuffed all his homework messily into his bag(he was so going to regret it later when he started sorting out the thirty loose sheets of work he had from each individual class) and struggled his way out of the classroom. No one bothered to move for him-_still too busy laughing_, Tsuna thought glumly-and he had to push and shove some people out of the way just to reach the entrance.

Where he just had to trip on his own shoelaces and crash into the door, sending his bag flying open and all thirty, miserable sheets of work fluttering to the floor, fanning out almost everywhere it could possibly land in a four metre radius.

There was a split second of utter silence before the jeers and laughter started again, by which time Tsuna had already struggled to his feet, crushed five out of thirty worksheets into his hand, grabbed his practically empty school bag and was just about halfway out the door.

* * *

Tsuna was good at running, really, but only when it came to escaping. He was out the door and at the school gates in practically twenty seconds flat, and he was barely even panting.

Around him, students were walking out in pairs, groups, chatting and laughing with each other as they exited the school. There were occasional glances aimed at him, expected whispers and mutters about him.

"Sawada Tsunayoshi?"

"Ah, dame-Tsuna?"

"The one who Mochida totally trashed?"

"Pfft-haha, that was funny, wasn't it?"

"Shh, don't say it so loud, you'll embarrass him."

Tsuna felt himself go red again as he listened to their conversation. It had been a total misunderstanding. He had _so_ not been trying to confess to Kyoko-even if he did like her, he actually had a sense of self-preservation for God's sake! But Mochida had refused to look at it logically, resulting in Tsuna having to run around the school in his boxers during lunch time. Inevitably, his schoolmates didn't seem to be forgetting about that humiliating incident anytime soon.

Quickening his pace so as to avoid having to listen in to this sort of thing(the classic theory of if you hear and see no evil, there is no evil), he blazed through the body of students mingling around the gates and practically left a trail of dust behind as he went on auto-pilot mode, legs walking through the park and along his usual route without being told.

* * *

Tsuna really wouldn't go to school if it wasn't compulsory. Well, at least education was free, so he didn't have to pay through his teeth to subject himself to a daily living hell. Still, even if it was free, he couldn't really see the point. He was dame-Tsuna, after all, and God knows he definitely wouldn't do well in anything as remotely important as the Leaving Examination, so they should just wise up and give him a job already. At least that way he could support their economy as a humble street sweeper or something just as useless, rather than go to school and waste manpower (by driving all the teachers insane with his inability to get anything higher than a C).

He frowned as he walked along leisurely. No, of course he should be thankful. Other countries didn't have such a good system after all; he should be grateful that he could even go to school at all, grateful that every citizen was equal; that a socio-economic spectrum didn't even exist, much less decide your path in life.

He should be grateful that the Concilio was there, to ensure everything went smoothly.

Tsuna passed by the building every day, at 7 PM in the morning and 2.30 PM in the afternoon, give or take (it depended on whether the bullies managed to chase him down before he had time to make a break for it). A large block of marble spanning almost thirty hectares of land, chipped all around to create windows, roofs, pillars, doors, balconies. It was nothing short of grand, yet had an understated feeling air about it, unnoticeable enough to escape being an outright facade.

Despite the blatant grandeur of the building, no one had ever been inside and gotten a look into the premises; no one but members of the Concilio, that is, and even seeing one of them would probably be harder to do than climbing up to the moon using a rope ladder-basically, it was impossible. And would probably get you killed faster than you could say "oops". Which was exactly why no one had attempted it yet. That, and of course, the trust and loyalty all citizens had to them; they were the founders of this country, its leaders, the ones who ran it and ensured it prospered, and it was an honour to be allowed to provide for the nation at all by them.

So of course Tsuna wouldn't protest. He would swallow his complaints, take the Examination and do his best in his allocated occupation like a normal, hard working, honourable member of society.

When all was said and done, dame-Tsuna was still dame-Tsuna. But he _did _have a sense of self-preservation, at least.

And in a society built on honour and equality, to complain, to even _hint_ at the want for a better life, a different life, was the same as slashing a razor sharp blade across both your wrists.

_**fin.**_

* * *

**Based on two songs: the first is Headphone Actor by Jin ft. IA, which I do not recommend you listen to if you like spoilers as my plot is largely based on it. Second is 3331 by Nanou ft. Hatsune Miku, which was the source of the lyrics above in bold, and on which key ideas of the story is based on. Not plot, mind you, ideas, so you are free to go listen to it. Both are amazing songs, and I definitely do not own such marvelous works of art. If you want to listen to them, there should be links on my profile (eventually. They'll be up tomorrow I guess, due to my laziness...you can youtube it ._.) **

**This was a plot bunny I just had to grab, even though I'm currently writing another multi-chap fic at the moment. Updates will probably be weekly and alternating (eg. Week 1- this story, Week 2- that story, etc.) I'm looking at roughly 10 chapters for this, though, so I'll probably finish this by year end.**

**First chapter is pretty boring, just setting the scene, so I'm not exactly expecting a good response. Even so, I hope all of you R&R, if only to tell me how to improve :)**

**Just to clarify, fin. means the end of a chapter and the end means the end of the story.**

**Thank you for reading :D **


	2. H0P2: First Meetings

**Hypothesis 0: Resolution**

**Part 2: First Meetings**

**...**

**Very few people can say with all certainty that coffee is bittersweet**

* * *

As he reached closer and closer to the apartment building, Tsuna could feel his spirits lifting. Sure, he had had to endure about seven hours of hell in that school, but what came after was most definitely worth the trouble. He hummed softly to himself as he skipped along the corridor, all the way to his destination. Left turn. Right. Right again. Left. Two doors down. Insert the key into the keyhole, and push the door open.

With a cheery smile and excited wave, he practically hopped over the threshold separating the small apartment from the outside world. "Tadaima! I'm back, Hiba-HIEE!" He leaped to the side just as the modest wooden chair flew at him, missed its target and crashed into the opposite wall.

Tsuna stared at the broken piece of furniture in horror for a few seconds, until the neighbours slammed open their door and stormed out in anger, seeing which he quickly shut his to avoid a recurrence of the "Halloween Piñata" incident (to this day, the thought made Tsuna shiver and quickly mutter a prayer under his breath).

"H-hibari-kun!" Tsuna spun around with a frown that looked more cute than angry. "I already told you not to be violent and make too much noise, the neighbours will com-are you even listening to me?"

Hibari, who had already gotten bored and sat back down on the couch, gave him a dismissive scowl.

"I'll take that as a no."

Hibari sighed and picked up the little tablet sitting on the coffee table. With his pale, long fingers, he began to type swiftly, and quickly thrust the screen out at Tsuna.

_Get out and go back home, herbivore._

Tsuna's eyes scanned over the message briefly, before his shoulders drooped and he laughed nervously. "I was thinking something along the lines of 'Welcome back' would have been nice, Hibari-kun."

Scowl. _It's _not_ your home, I see no reason to 'welcome' anyone back._

"Don't be like that. You know how far the walk is to my place."

_You live next door._

Nervous laughter. "I'm sure the ten steps I'd have to walk would be very exhaustive if I was an ant...?"

_...What?_

"Or some other small insect. Like a frog."

_...I will not even deign that with a reply, herbivore._

Tsuna's eyes lit up and he smiled again, a happy smile. That meant that Hibari had given up on chasing him out, which was a good thing (he conveniently ignored the half-exasperated half-bewildered glare being sent his way). He pumped his fist into the air in elation. Victory for Sawada Tsunayoshi!

_Herbivorous idiot, stop being stupid and go cook lunch._

"H-hai, Hibari-kun..."

* * *

Tsuna swore that if not for his spaghetti carbonara, Hibari Kyoya would have bitten him to death a long time ago. As it was, said carnivore was teetering along the fine line between grudging resignation and the urge to gouge someone's eyes out in irritation.

It wasn't much of a surprise, really. Violence was practically ingrained into Hibari's personality. Heck, Hibari _embodied_ violence. It had always been that way, and had never changed, not since they first met exactly one year ago.

_Now_, Tsuna thought with a mirthful sigh as he cheerfully tried to engage the stony boy in conversation over their pasta. _Exactly how did this happen?_

How, indeed...

* * *

It had been another failed test that had started it all. Sure, Tsuna had gotten used to his never-ending stream of failures, somewhat, but still. Even he would have gotten depressed over this pathetic excuse of a grade.

_Two out of hundred,_ he thought miserably, head hung low as he trudged through the streets crowded with students from all over the country heading home. _Really, they call me dame-Tsuna, but two out of hundred is ridiculous, even for me. Even for maths. Even for algebra, goddammit._

And thus, so immersed in wallowing in his own misery and self-pity was Tsuna, that he had failed to notice an incoming car blazing a trail down the road just as he stepped onto the zebra crossing.

Everything happened at once. Someone tugged at his roughly from behind, sending him flying backwards and crashing onto the pavement and causing all the air to be knocked out of him. There was an ear-splitting shriek from a nearby schoolgirl, coupled with the screech of tires and the blaring of horns, but all of this was vague and fuzzy. The only thought that Tsuna's harried mind could process at the moment was _am I dead?_

And then, when he confirmed that yes, all his organs were intact and his life processes continuing as per normal, _who the heck is this guy standing over me?_

The first thing he could register was that, for a guy who had just saved his life, he looked remarkably normal. Black hair, pale skin, generally average build. The only things out of the ordinary was that he wasn't in uniform despite being around school going age (a sight so rarely seen it was akin to an UFO sighting), as well as his surprisingly expressionless expression. Seeing someone just miss being hit by a car by a hair's breadth didn't normally bring about such a disinterested look.

Still dazed, Tsuna struggled to sit up just as the stranger, deciding that this wasn't worth his time, turned and walked off, the shocked crowd immediately parting to make way for him. He could hear some people shouting in the background to call for an ambulance, but he didn't really understand. His eyes were trained on the escaping back, walking further and further away.

With a gasp, he stumbled to his feet, grabbed his bag and, ignoring the surprised cries, chased after his saviour, and _damn, how did he walk so far ahead in this amount of time?!_

"W-wait!" Tsuna cried out. The sound he produced was hoarse and frankly quite pathetic, but it achieved the desired effect. The stranger stopped and turned his head slightly to acknowledge him.

Panting, Tsuna finally reached the boy and almost tripped over himself in his haste to bow. "T-thank you for saving me earlier! My apologies for causing you trouble!" He stammered out quickly, stumbling over his words.

He was rewarded with a stony, awkward silence for his troubles.

Gulping, he slowly straightened himself up, to find the stranger staring at him with cold eyes. He could feel a bead of sweat slowly trickling down the side of his face, as if foreshadowing his imminent death by the hands of this strange saviour of his. "Ah, um...I'm Sawada Tsunayoshi?" He tried, sticking out his hand before inwardly facepalming to himself. Why was he introducing himself? Ok, never mind, let's just go with it.

Silence.

Blink. "Um, that is-HIEEEEE!" A tonfa whizzed past his face and he leapt back in shock before falling to the ground. "DON'T KILL MEEE!"

The owner of said tonfa glared down at him on the floor, as Tsuna tried his best not to cry there and then on the asphalt. Finally, with an irritated huff, the stranger retracted his tonfas before taking out what resembled an e-dictionary. He quickly typed out something before showing it to Tsuna.

_I'm mute, you noisy, pathetic excuse of a herbivore._

Right then, Tsuna wanted to melt into a puddle and become one with the pavement.

* * *

**It's a wonderfully strange relationship, but neither of them really mind. I think.**

**I hope you like this chapter, because I didn't think it was all that bad. Much more interesting than the previous one, though not a lot revealed, I guess?**

**R&R please! :D**


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